Better Late

How do you know when something is not working?
How do you know when it has righted itself?
I have a limited time here at the Grand Canyon. My residency is only 3 weeks and almost 2 weeks in I was struggling. I could not get a grip on the immensity that is the Canyon, the depth of time, the depth of the history of this place. I felt sure my puny mind was not equal to the task. I had produced two pieces that left me very unhappy. They were appreciated by those that saw them but to me, they were half-assed, trite efforts. Why had I thought I was up to the challenges?
Then, when I thought that I had made a shambles of my residency, and would have to return home with nothing but some failed pieces as a record of my squandered opportunity; a spark formed somewhere in my mind and slowly forced its way to awareness- an image was appearing of a piece using the starkly beautiful, powerfully geometric black and white patterns of native pottery I had seen at the Museum of Northern Arizona.
It also brought to mind the many fantastically contorted trees that dot the plateau. All in shades of grey, shadow and texture, line and volume.
I cannot deal with the rich reds and ochers, the saturated blue of the sky, the multicolored record of the eons of erosion and deposition as the Colorado River and the winds carved their way down to sea level. Too much color, too much confusion, and also too much of a trope- available printed on a multitude of items in the many gift shops here in the Park. Black, white and grey with hints of underpainted color would be my palette for these new pieces.
So that is what I have done, am doing. The smaller piece was completed quickly and without internal struggle- it created flow. Blessed flow. Creative crack for artists. I finally have done something true to myself and my mission here. Another, more complex piece- inspired by the tree forms- is nearing completion. My world has righted itself and now I feel the press of time. I have to pack up on Thursday, as I give thanks for the abundance in my life. I leave Friday morning early to begin the 4-day drive home. I will while away some of those highway hours sketching in my mind the works I hope to achieve over the winter in my studio.
Do I wish I had reached this place earlier in my time here? Yes, Of course I do. But that isn't the way it happened and I am just very grateful- and relieved- that it happened at all.

Week II

Our story continues.
Sunday was a day in Flagstaff, a very pleasant small city a little over an hour south of the Park. I had a number of errands to run- which I did. One of them included a stop at a craft store to buy some feathers. What? haven't I found lots of feathers lying around the Park for me to incorporate into my work? No, I haven't and if I did I couldn't use them anyway as per Park rules. I assume any feathers that are molted (too late for that) or shed in any other way are either blown away- it is always windy here- or they are gathered by other wildlife. It is a hardscrabble life for both plants and animals- any source of additional warmth, protein or fat will be quickly found and used. So, I am using dyed chicken feathers to stand in for crow/raven, etc. Such is life.
I went to the Museum of Northern Arizona and thoroughly enjoyed their exhibits of both Geology and Ethnography. I saw a lot of glorious, ancient black & white pottery- designs that will show up in later works of mine. I am puzzled by the notion that every design painted on a pot has to have some deep, complex, spiritual meaning. Why is it somehow derogatory that a craftsperson might have created a design that he/she just took delight in making? It was done just to be pretty. Or different than all those designs the other potters were making. It also stereotypes the makers as some sort of perpetual holy people who just happen to have clay on their hands. Living in this area had to be tough, sometimes you just need a little beauty to soften the edges a bit.
I drove back from Flagstaff in the dark, made myself some supper and settled in for the night.
Monday was one of those days when nothing gets done easily or smoothly. Not a day for the record books. Ah well.
Yesterday, I got a good walk in the late morning. From the South Kaibab Trailhead to the Visitor's Center, where I got the shuttle back to the Village. I had thought I might try part of the South Kaibab Trail but once I got there I realized I wasn't up for it, so I walked the Rim Trail. I like the combination of the intimate landscape of the rim on one side and the jaw-dropping and precipitous grandeur of the canyon on the other. And it is easier on my wonky hip. A part of the landscape I walked through showed signs of recent fire and sure enough, it was the result of a proscribed burn in 2004 that went wrong due to a unforeseen windstorm that blew up out of nothing in seconds and swept the blaze over a huge area stopped only by the rim itself. The landscape is much more open and dominated by forbs- the wildlife have benefited by this. As they say, it is an ill wind that blows no one some good. (Wags may insert pun about oboes here.)
I came back to the apartment and got some work done in the studio. I have been documenting my process while I worked on this piece. I am giving a talk about my work on Thursday evening and this will be part of it. Here is the finished piece.

Last evening I went to hear a talk about the animal/plant relationships in the park. It was enjoyable in and of itself and I got to see where I will be speaking on Thursday.
Today some friends from Poland Seminary High School via Sedona will come up for the afternoon. I am tidying up the apartment, working on my talk, and catching up on some correspondence and research.

The Residency Begins

I have not posted a full blog entry since I arrived at the Grand Canyon on Sunday afternoon, so a bit of catching up is in order.
I arrived at the Canyon and the Verkamp's Visitor Center, where I am being housed in an apartment on the top floor. The ranger who is in charge of the program, in an interim assignment after the founder of the program, the estimable Rene Westerbrook, moved on to another assignment in Portland, Oregon, was out of town so not here to greet me. I was handed a key, told where I could park and that was that. Welcome! I was nervous about the whole undertaking and nothing had happened so far to calm my anxieties. And when I get anxious, my automatic reaction is to get angry at every little thing. Fortunately, I know how this is and was largely able to set my feelings of petty grievance aside and get on with unloading the car and distributing my stuff around the apartment.
I spent the rest of day walking around the rim (but not too close to the edge) and trying to take in my situation. Alternating thoughts of "What the Hell am I doing here?" and "Thank you for bringing me here." I made myself some supper, read some of the materials/details left in a binder for AiRs, and went to bed. I was- and still am a bit ahead of my time as my body is just now catching up to the time zone change; so I hit the hay at 8:30pm (10:30pm my body was insisting.)
I did have some moments- of course I had some moments, I was still in petty grievance mode. I can hear everything that goes on below me in the visitor's center and that includes the flute music on a loop that plays all day… It got dark outside and the flute music did not quit, I heard no more visitors downstairs and the music did not quit. I had a horrible feeling that the music was not going to be turned off at night. Then, blessedly, at 7:45 the music stopped. There were the noises of the shop being closed down for the night and then silence. The moon had risen by then and the whole canyon- did I say I am living right on the rim and have a spectacular view of the canyon out of my windows, well I do- was limned in silver and shadow.
The next morning, I woke up early- body still on eastern time- and puttered around, fixed breakfast, totally missed reading my NYTimes while eating my oatmeal. (And no, reading it online is not the same at all and eats up a ton of data- which is very dear here, so I am foregoing that pleasure until I get home.) Also, no NPR! (Streaming not an option.)  No TV other than DVDs- thanks to my brother, Chris's extensive DVD collection and the local library for the loan of a lot of DVDs. I am more of a media junkie than I had thought and am going somewhat cold-turkey.
Walked to the local market and got some supplies- I must say cooking for myself is a treat after so many meals eaten in restaurants while on the road. Finding meals that fit my dietary restrictions was a challenge on the road. For the return trip I will be better prepared.
Took another walk around the rim, unpacked art supplies, trying to stave off feelings of purposelessness and being lost with gratefulness and trust that all would be revealed sooner or later. Started on a piece, blindly but I just had to work. Woke in the middle of the night with the moon still riding high and bright and got dressed and went for a walk in the moonlight. I stayed on the rim, and was not alone, several others were out marveling at the night landscape.
Another day, started to work in the workroom- the lighting is abysmal so tried to jury-rig some decent lights. Walked the upper portion of the Bright Angel Trail- no railings- about a mile drop to certain death- but I managed it and even enjoyed it a bit. I find the scale of the Canyon so daunting, my work and preferred view tend to be more intimate, the Canyon is almost incomprehensible to me. Later that evening, I attended an evening of performance as part of the Native American Heritage Month program. Flute playing (!!!!!) and Apache dancing were on the program. The dancing and the regalia were fascinating and inspiring.
On Wednesday, I finally got to meet the ranger in charge of the AiR program, SuZan Pearce. A great relief- someone to help me figure out what I was doing there, set up the 3 public programs I am obligated to provide, introduce me to Park staff relevant to my residency. I had finished the piece I had started- inspired by the night sky over the canyon- so I took it along to the meeting as a way to explain my techniques. She had set up a meeting with Jan Balsom who has the unenviable task of keeping us AiRs from tromping on cultural toes and I had already used some language in an email to her that sent up some red flags. She gently reminded me that the history of the native tribes was not mine to tell or interpret- and that some of the motifs I might see and want to incorporate might be proprietary- and that I should run my ideas for future works by her office to make sure I was not going to transgress. For instance, in the piece I had just completed, I depicted a Hopi maiden floating above a moonlit canyon strewing stars in her wake. If I had put the figure of the maiden in the canyon, that would have been offensive to the Hopi- women of childbearing years never go below the rim of the canyon. Dodged that one- purely out of ignorance but gratefully.
In a way, however, I found the talk and the learning curve frees me up a bit. I was afraid I was going to be restricted by the cultural needs of the native tribes. Now, as long as I stay in my own head- inspired by the culture, but not attempting to be part of it- I should be okay. I still need to run things past Jan, though, just to make sure. I can live- and work- with that.
Yesterday, I met the rest of the Interperative staff rangers- the AiR program runs under their auspices. I met the Park Librarian and got a tour of the Park library. I will be spending some time there going through rare books of the history of the Canyon, ethnography reports, etc. Walked, was interviewed by the editor of the Canyon newspaper, and met up with a good friend from back home for a bit. I started a new piece based on my own reflections on some of the native flora yet inspired by local art forms. It was a lovely day- I feel like I am getting the hang of this process.
That brings us to today. I sent an image of the what I am working on to Jan for vetting. I don't do sketches per se. I use a set of figure templates and just riff on them. I have an image in my head and  a set of ideas I want to convey, but beyond that, it is largely all process. I cut out the blank figure pieces, I arrange and rearrange them, finding the correct gesture, the correct center of gravity, the colors and patterns that fit and then go from there, adjusting as I go. Then I do the background, mount the figures and there we are. So, if what I have done so far does not pass muster, I will adjust if I can, redo what I must, or put the offending piece aside. We shall see.
Later this evening I am attending the opening event of a workshop on archeology in this cultural landscape. Tomorrow I will go with the group to a dig and to the Desert View Tower. One of the perks of the residency is that I get invited to and can audit any program or event here in the Park.
Onward.

"Canyon Dreams: Starbringer," Bricolage, 24"x20", 2014

Spring, 2011

When I was growing up in a small town in the northeast corner of Ohio, every spring was welcomed with a miracle. The forest floor in the municipal forest erupted in a glory of wildflowers. Much of the forest is floodplain, beech and sycamore predominate, on higher ground large stands of conifers. The wildflower carpet was composed largely of Virginia Bluebells (Mertensia virginica) with Trilliums (T. grandiflorum, erectum, cuneatum and a few others,) Hepaticas, Spring Beauties (Claytonia virginica,) Marsh Marigolds (Caltha palustris,) and other ephemerals. I first learned to love native flora there and have carried the memory of that landscape in my heart and mind's eyes ever since.

I got an email from an old friend who has moved back to our hometown to care for aging parents. She is involved in a fund-raising art auction to support the forest. I was immediately thrown back to the sensations of wandering the paths through that explosion of color and abundance. A balm for a flagging, apartment-bound spirit.

Here is the piece I did to contribute to the effort to keep the forest safe- a small bit of debt-repayment to the earth. (Trillium grandiflorum, ©PMLaw/MMXI)

From Ulster County to Kings County

From 1984 till 1991 I lived in the Carroll Gardens neighborhood of Brooklyn. I used to walk to the Brooklyn Botanic Gardens, my path taking me across the bridge over the Gowanus Canal. Now, my odd, bricolage paper-dolls and I are going back to my old stomping-grounds. I am one of twelve artists from Ulster County to participate in a show at the Brooklyn Artists Gym, opening May 14th and running for 2 weeks. 
I was utterly stunned when I was asked to part of this group- in the company of some of the best artists in the area, people whose work I have come to admire and their friendship to cherish.

One of my works chosen for the exhibit: "Greenwoman"

Teeny Weenies

When I was a child- back when the arrival of the Sunday edition of the Youngstown Vindicator was a big deal- the first part of that thick bundle (you can tell how long ago that was- newspapers were thick bundles) that I went to was the funny pages. The first part of the funny pages I went to was the "Teeny-Weenies." I have written about them before but to recap- the TW's were a race of minuscule people who lived in our world but in the corners and hidden beneath violet leaves. Each week was the story of some TW travail or holiday depicted in a single, large, beautifully-drawn panel. One week the TW's may be doing battle with towering rats who threatened their grain stores, another week it would be a TW outing on boats made from milkweed husks. The TWs were from all races and cultures.
Also each week there would be a single TW that I could cut out of the paper, paste onto a piece of shirt cardboard and trim. The art came with the flanges that could be bent back so the figure could stand on its own. I had a collection of them that I could use to enact my own TW scenarios.



That collection was long ago discarded but I have been drawing again on that inspiration for a series of small pieces. I have conflated them with my "heart-box" motif and my love of the natural world. I use the same basic template, which is a constraint that I enjoy working within.
Where they greatly differ, however, is in their basic demeanor. The original Teeny-Weenies were, as appropriate to the times, sort of can-do, go-getting, optimistic types- no obstacle could stand in their way for long, soon to be overcome with the united efforts of the population. My Teeny-Weenies, are more reserved and cautious, often looking askance at the viewer, sometimes not engaging the viewer at all. Whether they reflect the times or just my own reserve is something to ponder.

Back in the Studio, Part II

In my last post I showed a piece, part of a proposed diptych for a show with the theme of Pairings. I finished the second part of the pair today- and just in time- today was also the deadline... but I made it. Now I wait to see if the work got into the exhibit.
The prior piece was of my first-cousin-once-removed Jean Amy; this one is of my other Jean: Miss Jean Webb, my great aunt.



PS My piece for the Ulster Corps charity auction didn't sell despite what I heard were some very kind and supportive remarks from the auctioneer. Well, hopefully, sometime in the future someone will smack their forehead and say, "damn! I wish I had bought that piece! What a missed opportunity!"

Back Into the Studio

I actually got to spend a day in my workspace over the weekend. Saturday not only brought some desperately needed rain to the area, it gave me a day off from my job at the nursery. I have a number of pieces on my desk- some of them only the barest sketches but the deadlines are looming. Here is the first to be completed:



It is part of a pair of works- its partner is nearing completion- for a show at the WAAM entitled "Pairings." When I saw the requirements I immediately thought of the 2 Jeans who inspired me in my life ( and whom I never fully appreciated until it was too late; to my great regret): Jean Amy (first-cousin-once-removed) (pictured above) and Jean Webb (great-aunt.) It seemed particularly apt if you just say their shared name- Jeans/genes. True I am not biologically descended from either of them but I am their æsthetic inheritor.
I was working on the assumption that they were both due today but found last night, much to my relief, that they are due this coming Monday. But that doesn't mean I can rest, I have to finish Great-Aunt Jean's portrait as well as the 2 other pieces I have promised. I will post them as they are finished. In the meantime, I commune with my jeans/genes.

For a Good Cause

Today I am taking in a new piece for a special show/charity auction. I was honored to be asked to participate- 50 artists/50 good causes. The event has been organized by WAAM in conjunction with UlsterCorps- a very worthy umbrella organization for good-works in the county. I was asked to do a piece to benefit CASA, a group that works with abused children and also seeks to prevent abuse before it happens. This dovetailed with my own works on this theme, a series: "A Child's Garden of Entropy."

I had had in mind to do a piece with several of my iconic images from the series- the porcelain doll and the birds (scarlet tanager, indigo bunting and goldfinch,) and entropic metaphors in their various aspects, this event gave me the impetus to do the work. ("Entropic metaphors" gee, I sound like a 'real" artist!) Many people think all I do is witty, fluffy pieces so they don't know what to do with these darker works. Some people think they are supposed to be funny so they make laughing comments about them to me, some get where I'm going- or more accurately, where I've been- and are a bit puzzled by the contrast between the 2 sides of my work. I don't explain beyond that fact that no one's life is 1-dimensional, all light or all dark. Both, for better or worse, are part of me.




"A Child's Garden of Entropy: The Footnotes" 26.75"x9.75" Bricolage

I am hoping that after this week I will be able to spend a bit more time in my workroom making art. I am acclimated to working outside at the nursery the 4 days I am there- I no longer collapse when I get home in the evening. And the book files are 98% done so I hope to get it to the printer this week. I still have some graphics obligations to fulfill but getting the book off my desk will be a big relief. I miss working/playing with my materials and if I am to be an artist, I need to actually produce- you know, art.

EggHead (part 2)

A while ago, I posted about a piece I had begun but was unsure where to take it. I finished it today in preparation of submitting it for a show of artists' sketches, source books etcetc. I don't know- a bit cute, but I like it overall, rather cheerful for someone whose figures never have smiles on their faces (as someone pointed out to me.) Ambivalence rules... I have until the 2nd Monday of February to either commit or take another shot.

I am usually not this waffly about my work but I must admit the theme for this show threw me. My sketches are very rudimentary, just skimpy little pencil outlines. I have an idea, either rough or quite finished, in my head of how I want it to end up. Color sketch? Don't hold your breath. Working myself into artistic corners and then trying like hell to get out of them is typical.

Ah well. As my Great Aunt (and mentor although she didn't know it) Jean Webb used to say: "You can either talk or do."

4"x6"

On Thursday I went down to NYC to drop off 8 pieces for a show of postcard-sized art at the APW Gallery in Long Island City (actually a section of Queens.) I have been trying to get someone down in the city to look at my work for a while now but to no avail. This show is a chance- a long shot probably but what the hey. I will not be able to attend the opening, but if I ever get a 3 or 4 person show or- gasp- a solo show, I promise I will attend the reception.
I took the opportunity to have lunch at Shopsin's, my favorite NYC eatery. I had to wait for about 40 minutes to get a seat but as always it was worth the wait. I also did some shopping in Soho- oh I am such a hick from the sticks...

Anyway, here are 7 of the 8 pieces I did for the postcard show (the photo of the 8th came out quite blurry, sorry.) I'm pretty happy with them, I like making the little cracked open rib cages.

A Dispatch From the Garden of Entropy

Today is the drop-off day for the big "River" show at the WAAM so "Muhheakannuk" has been framed and is on her way. There is also the submission for the "Small Works" show downstairs in the Founders Gallery. I had decided to not enter some of the fluffier pieces I have been doing recently and get back into the darker territory I began to explore in my "A Child's Garden of Entropy" series. Its much closer to the bone and ultimately more satisfying. It is not, however, remunerative. Not many people want to buy pieces about child abuse, but there you are. Somehow I don't see a bunch of Chinese artists cranking out oil paintings sized to fit over a sofa, on that subject...

I, of course waited to photograph it until I had installed the glass- sorry for the myriad reflections. But since it probably won't sell, will be able to remove the glass when it comes back and shoot it properly- or as properly as I can. It is in an old box I found, the figures are in my button/doll style and the leaves are lovely dried magnolia leaves- I have commented on them earlier. These I gathered at my summer job at the nursery. The title is : "The Garden of Entropy: The Stain." I won't exhort you to like it or enjoy it.

More Birds of Ulster County

I am in the position to not have time to do my art work, my "A"job, because my "B" jobs are piling up and filling my time. I truly am grateful for the income and realize I need to adjust the way I apportion my time away from these jobs- if I do not do my art, the internal pressure builds to a point where it becomes almost intolerable. I used to make detailed plans for my days and I see the necessity for doing so again. Ah well, for the while its either (relative)feast or famine... when I am not earning, I do not have the desire to create. Still trying to make it to that sweetest place where my creative work is bringing in the income and the income is taking the pressure off of me so that I feel secure and free to create. A bricoleur can dream can't she?

Anyway, here are the next 2 in the series "The Birds of Ulster County"-- "Cardinal" and "Owl"

Life as an Open Book

One of the most unfortunate consequences- among many unfortunate consequences- of all of this has been my inability to create new works. Whether it has been due to the press of outside events, the necessity of action spent on moving, or frankly, the anxiety, exhaustion and despond that have overtaken what little free time I have had, my life as an artist was last in line for my attention. I was also afraid it would not come back when I was settled in whatever new place is to be mine.

But there is a show coming up on the WAAM schedule: Altered Books, that I had put on the calendar when I was still chair of that committee and I felt I needed to enter something. I became interested in Altered Books a few years ago. I love the synthesis of context, sub-context, creativity and the artful use of what's at hand (bricolage.) The techniques overlap/intersect with my work with my dolls and I have incorporated my doll work with the books in the past. But, the book work is time intensive- much time to core out the pages, build the structures etc. Time and energy I just don't have right now.

Fortunately, I found a book I had already cored-out, but then had become stuck as to what to do with it further. Having worked under advertising deadlines for over 20 years had taught me a thing or two about how to get the creative juices flowing when needs must. I bless that experience now. I actually came up with something that I think is half-way decent. Well, decent may not be the best descriptive...

The book I worked on is titled: Human Heredity and the chapter the book is forever open to is titled: Sex. So, a golden egg on one side, flying screws on the other... I am just so happy to have done this even under all of the pressure being applied from the outside. Will it get into the show? I have no idea- but just having something to enter is reward enough.

My search for a live/work space continues...

Humble Materials

I am often bemused when people ask me what materials I use- I can imagine the wheels going around in their heads, trying to either figure out my technique/working process, or attempting to square the asking price for the piece with the amount of money invested in the materials. My answer- I use humble materials but elevate them with creativity, skill and talent- doesn't give them much to hang their preconceptions on. Perhaps they are thrown by the idea that creativity, skill and talent may actually be worth something or may not be purchased along with the buttons, cardboard or acrylic paints I also employ.



And I do use very humble materials. I have placed restrictions on what materials I will use- and the difference between the two categories of materials (authentic and fake) rests on my idea of what is authentic. Things like toothpicks, ordinary buttons, waxed-linen thread, coated wire, illustration board, chip-board, masonite; to me these are authentic materials. They have no pretensions or need to social-climb, they would be content being used in their more traditional ways. Some, like the feathers, the colored-grommets, fancy papers and beads are pushing the boundaries a bit, I fear- a little twee, a tad uppity- and I do worry about slipping into kitsch or craftiness. I pray to the guiding spirit of restraint, Joseph Cornell, to keep my eye flinty.



I also resist falling into assemblage, I use ready-made items sparingly and with some trepidation. If I need a comb for a piece, I use cardboard and toothpicks to make a comb, not purchase a doll-house scale comb from the craft store. Bricolage -using the materials at hand- is a stern taskmaster. Using store-bought pieces brings someone else's hand into the work- not authentic.

What brought on this reverie on humble materials? I brought home a nice big sheet of chipboard today and was lost in thought for a few moments considering all the delights ahead of me as I use it up...

Moving on

As much as I love the Mid-Hudson Valley of New York, my home; it is time for my art to move out of the area. I have been showing at galleries in salon shows, juried competitions and invitational shows within a 25 mile radius, as well as an annual studio tour, but that is just not enough anymore. The clamor from the various framed pieces stacked up along the walls of my studio had become annoying so the other day I shipped 10 of them down to Poughkeepsie for an invitational show at the Barrett Clay Works gallery and 1 lucky piece got to go down to North Carolina (the piece in the image above:"A Child's Garden of Entropy: Evidence of Entropy Mounts," bricolage, 2007.) I hope most of them don't return and that they go, with my blessings, to good homes.

The first time I sold a piece it was a wrench. I know, I know; I'm trying to earn a living with this work so that means I must sell. A conundrum all artists face. When I do illustration work, I am only licensing the reproduction rights to the work; and with scanners and digital cameras the original art never has to leave my studio- it just goes *poof* into the ether and arrives at the client's in mere seconds.

Not so with my gallery art. The original must go. Sometimes it is a piece I have barely had time to appreciate. Oh, let me be honest- it is a piece I have not spent enough time admiring, preening in that mirror of my abilities. Show me an artist whose work is not such a mirror... Anyway, sometimes I barely get the piece finished before it must be submitted. If and when it is returned to me after the run of the exhibit, it is almost as if I am seeing it for the first time- "I did this? hmmm..." And it joins its siblings in the stack. Sometimes it is a piece I secretly hope will not be sold but needs must, I cannot live on beauty. Those are the heart-wrenchers, the best work, the most authentic work.

So, fare thee well my art, my heart's work- just send the check right away...


(to see some art that is really ready to move on: visit Etsy and search "sellers" for "pmlaw" Thanks.)