Friday, March 19, 2010

The Countdown Begins

The countdown on my project "Publish 'The Word Project' " has shifted from days to hours to go- 55 as of this writing. It is both exciting and terrifying to see this. Exciting because it means the book will finally be published- terrifying for exactly the same reasons. I am having to confront my fears of failure and success in the same package.
Failure- what if my backers don't like the finished product? What if the book doesn't live up to its promise, what if I don't live up to my promise? Success- what if this really takes off and my life changes in good yet unforeseen ways? How long before I fall on my face? Fear, fear, fear...what a soul-killer.
Its not like I have not already rather spectacularly failed in public in my life. Almost 2 years ago I lost almost every thing in my life yet with the support and boundless kindness of friends, and taking some steps, I made it through. I have a roof over my head and work and much (platonic only, alas) love. And I am 55 hours away from realizing a long-held vision. There will be much hard work between the end of the funding period and sending the book to the printer in 3 or so weeks- not only the work of writing and assembling, preparing the images (and, of course, I now have a gallery show to mount and a desk full of graphics assignments); but also admitting my powerlessness over my fear, turning it over and keeping my focus on the next right step.

1 comment:

PooBahSpiel said...

When you are frightened about doing something; it is usually the right thing to do, and it's definitely the fun thing to do.