Saturday, April 2, 2011


I know I have no control over my emotions but sometimes I am just blindsided by them. For a weekend at the beginning of March and now this weekend, I am taking part in a professional development workshop run by NYFA (New York Foundation for the Arts.) It is for visual artists who need a jumpstart in their careers- as I certainly do. Today's program is over and I am here just feeling like I want to cry. Nothing happened today that was emotionally fraught- as far as I can recall. We considered web sites and social networking- topics I deal with often as a web-designer and networker for my various projects. Yet...

Maybe it is just the immensity of the vision/project before me: to be able to once again live in my own house with room to work, dark skies at night, quiet except for natural sounds, land for gardening, time to be an artist. Oh and be able to sustain it. How am I ever going to achieve that? I know that the lesson from the loss of my home/studio/garden is that it takes more than wishful thinking- or delusions- to have that life but I just see this incredibly long road ahead of me and I am bone-weary already after only 3 years. Today I saw how much more I should be doing.

All I can do is just keep putting one foot in front of the other.

1 comment:

ManukaHoney said...

Each event in our lives is a lesson to learn.
Until you fully accept what you have at the moment, you will not be able to move forward completely. Perhaps you should ask yourself this: WHAT IS IT REALLY in losing what you had that makes you so sad? What are you holding on in your past that you can't let go?

I am one of your sponsor of the Word Project, and I really don't want to see you so sad. IF you can honestly answer these questions, you will be able to heal those wounds.

Love your art!