Saturday, July 26, 2008

A Tie Severed

Something in me has snapped- the tie to this place and its shattered dreams. That tie snapped when I had to euthanize 2 cats last week. I am sure I will be crushed when I leave for the last time but right now I just want to find a new place and get this over with. I have a leave-by date of August 21 but my search for a new home and workspace has been so far unproductive.
I have arranged for a sale of household goods on the 8th & 9th, and mercifully, I will not be here, I will be at work at the nursery.
I have rented a dumpster and am filling it with junk from the garage, studio and attic- filling it rapidly- I may need to rent another....
So that is where I am today. Spiritually, I have to keep reminding myself that the only things I can control in all this are my actions. I have a choice when someone says something incredibly rude or inconsiderate, I have a choice when a rental prospect turns out to be a complete shithole despite the glowing ad in the paper, I have a choice when events don't go the way I want them to go- and that choice is to do something I will just have to make amends for later or let it flow over me leaving me untouched. I am choosing serenity more often than not, but I need to say that I struggle often. Serenity does not come naturally to me, it is a conscious choice I have to make over and over and over again while I begin this new life. Everyday I must get my exercise by taking 12 steps.

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